I had an epiphany. No, three wise men from the East didn't visit me...it wasn't that kind of epiphany. It was an insight into my personality and I thought I'd share it. Here it --
I am not a patient person.
Oh, I know. A lot of people have told me I'm patient. I thought I was patient. I even act patient but I am not patient.
A long time ago when my big kids were little, I was on the phone with someone. We were chatting nicely when suddenly she broke off, screeched at her children and continued chatting as if nothing had happened. I was in total shock. And it was a wake up call as to what I might sound like, sometimes, as I had been guilty of screeching at my children. So I decided then and there that I would not screech or scream and although I've broken this resolution a time or two (grin, wink) I try to speak to my children in a calm voice. Appearing patient, however is not patience. Yes, I repeatedly ask my children to do things. I wait, apparently calm, for them to do these things, I listen to excuses, I have discussions, I try to use long persuasion. But inside I am furious. Inside I am screaming. Inside I want to get big sticks and hit everyone.
So, I am not patient. I don't think being good at bottling the anger is true patience. I think true patience is in reality being as calm as you appear. The other day when I told the Princess to be patient I explained to her that being patient was waiting with a good attitude. I need to work on that myself, waiting with a good attitude.
I am hoping that some of you will have great insights into how I can gain true patience. And I can stop being a big bottle full of pent up anger.
