Epiphany

     I had an epiphany.  No, three wise men from the East didn't visit me...it wasn't that kind of epiphany.  It was an insight into my personality and I thought I'd share it. Here it --

I am not a patient person.

     Oh, I know. A lot of people have told me I'm patient.  I thought I was patient.  I even act patient but I am not patient.
     A long time ago when my big kids were little, I was on the phone with someone.  We were chatting nicely when suddenly she broke off, screeched at her children and continued chatting as if nothing had happened.  I was in total shock.  And it was a wake up call as to what I might sound like, sometimes, as I had been guilty of screeching at my children.  So I decided then and there that I would not screech or scream and although I've broken this resolution a time or two (grin, wink) I try to speak to my children in a calm voice.  Appearing patient, however is not patience.  Yes, I repeatedly ask my children to do things.  I wait, apparently calm, for them to do these things, I listen to excuses, I have discussions, I try to use long persuasion.  But inside I am furious.  Inside I am screaming.  Inside I want to get big sticks and hit everyone.
     So, I am not patient.  I don't think being good at bottling the anger is true patience.  I think true patience is in reality being as calm as you appear.  The other day when I told the Princess to be patient I explained to her that being patient was waiting with a good attitude.  I need to work on that myself, waiting with a good attitude.
     I am hoping that some of you will have great insights into how I can gain true patience.  And I can stop being a big bottle full of pent up anger.