"To Many Words, Did Not Read" That is what "Johnny 5" said to me after reading one of my blog posts. And because of his comment and my perfectionistic tendencies, I stopped writing the blog. Oh yes he also commented on the fact that it was rambly and hard to follow.
This is just one example of how I let my being a perfectionist rule my life. Because one person did not find what I had written helpful and made a cutting remark (and lets not forget that this person was a teenager) I just quit.
To a perfectionist it is 100% or nothing. Getting 99% is the same as failing. Anything less than perfect is failing.
Can you see how debilitating this can be? I think we all are afraid of failure to one extent or another. But this all or nothing attitude really limits what I did. I still find my thought patterns wandering there and it takes effort to let go.
I have a lot of stories and thoughts on perfection. Society's idea of perfection. What the scripture "Be ye therefore perfect" actually means and other confessions of a perfectionist.
I'm hoping that getting them out of my head and onto paper will help me take the next step. I told my husband this morning that I don't look at life as a great challenge to overcome and each day as a new adventure like he does. I look at it as a lot of overwhelming things I have to do at which I'm never good enough. I wake up in the morning and want to hide because everything I do points to my imperfection.
There is a quote I love “Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, “Wow what a ride!”
Someday I hope to be able to say "What a ride" but now I just "get through" one event after another.
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"Johnny 5" doesn't know what he's talking about, or he is not your target audience. I think your posts are clever and eloquent. I find you think things through in a way that is enlightening to me. There are so many things in which 100% perfect is just an illusion; perfections is subjective (it's not math, with only 1 correct answer). I think writing and parenting are just two of those.
ReplyDeleteI love your posts. They speak to a huge population of people (especially women) who struggle in this way but are silently struggling. Your sardonic demeanor and clever quip add a quirkiness that just makes me want to continue reading. I'm sorry your son is being insolent. It sounds like he might be having some struggles of his own. Usually people that discount us are so wrapped up into themselves and their own problems that they can't take the time to acknowledge other peoples accomplishments or struggles. Satan can blind us in that way. Thank you for continuing to write even though you may feel vulnerable and imperfect. This type of realistic, yet fun to read blog, is a need today. If all we had to read was happy molly mormon blogs and pintrest then we would all get even more depressed and perfectionistic. We need a little bit of confronting the brutal facts while still having hope for the future. That is what I see this blog blossoming into if you continue this journey.
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ReplyDeleteThanks from another "recovering" perfectionist. I'm glad you're blogging again. Now I'm inspired to finish at least one of my posts that I got hung up on. And I've never had snarky feedback.
DeleteI have missed your blog posts too. You seem so able to put into words the same things I struggle with everyday, but can't quite put my finger on it. It is nice to know that I am not alone in my struggles and that we can just take one event or even one moment at a time to get through our day. I often think of the movie "Meet the Robinsons" theme of "Keep moving forward." Even if we are moving forward in tiny little baby steps, we are still going the right direction & the Lord will make up for what we cannot do for ourselves.
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